I’ve considered, while lying sleepless in a $3 a night bamboo bungalow, which is worse to hear creeping around the window: one of those big crunchy brown and grey ugly spiders or a skinny little wisp of a rat...?

More sleepless night considerations: Can your lovely wife’s leg hair grow long enough for her to trip over? Why doesn’t rice taste this good in America? Why can’t they make a decent pumpkin pie in Southeast Asia? Since both my pain pills and muscle relaxers are opium-based, wouldn’t buying from the cop just be cutting out Mr. Merck and Mr. Upjohn, the middlemen? Would all the people who say we should write a book actually pay to buy a one or want us to give them a free copy?

In deference to some of our readers this update has strived to avoid esoteric subjects and words containing over 4 syllables.

No animals were hurt or injured in the research of this update (except the dried frogs).

Blame any errors on El Nino.

Happy New Year to you all!!!!!!!!!!!!